the greatest test of true love is..

allow me to share an article i found posted from the bulletin board. (i had to snip it from my man's inbox since i had no copy of it). do read the article. its worth it and with my blog next, its a worthier read (hehehe..)

THE GREATEST TEST OF TRUE LOVE
Joe Gatuslao

The most important, most critical component in successful loving is COMMITMENT, not LOVE. It's easy to love without commitment. People do it all the time. Easy to love, to give of oneself for awhile. But commitment implies bonding in such a way that one promises to keep the fires of love burning indefinitely. It also means shutting one's heart to the possibility of loving another who might even be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy. This is why solid commitments are not at all as common as we are led to believe.

In fact, more often than not, I think that the commitment two lovers make are not equal. What I mean is that the commitment of one might be a whole lot more or a whole lot less than the partner's. We see it all the time. One loves more than the other and is more committed than the other. We have often seen lopsided love relationships where one partner is giving so much more to the
relationship than the other.

But writers and poets seem to always indicate that love isn't just a two-way street, but an equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens. It is impossible to determine exactly how much a man loves a woman or how much a woman cares for a man. Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge problem. You can love someone and tell him "I love you" and you're telling the truth. But how much do you love him? Enough to let him court you? Enough to marry him? Enough to die for him? THE GREATEST TEST OF TRUE LOVE is COMMITMENT.

And the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment. I have heard people say all the right words, make all the right move and pledge undying love, only to walk away weeks or months later. Were they in love? Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold
strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment regardless of the pain. Lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a sense that one is more committed than the other. When one is giving a lot more than one is receiving. When one's love is a lot more solid than the creaky love of the partner. When a couple believe strongly that their commitment to each other is rock solid, there is a deep sense of security, a feeling that it's OK to give all because the gift of yourself is safe in the hands of the beloved. If, however, there is doubt or, even worse, the conviction that one is engaged in one-way giving, in a one-way commitment that is lopsided, then there is a tendency to pull back and not give as much. And when that happens, love begins to fade.

In the countless counseling sessions I have had with troubled couples over the years, there has always been the problem of a failing commitment on the part of at least one of the partners. Unless there is the raising of the level of commitment, the relationship is doomed. It's finished. Sooner or later the stresses will take their toll and the relationship will begin to fall apart. On the other hand, look carefully at couples who are still very much in love after 20, 25 years. Their commitment to each other cannot be shaken. Neither can their love.

in plainer terms, the article asked us:

will you/we still commit to love the person despite knowing and having to deal with his faults and weaknesses?

will you/we still commit to love the person who isnt sweet anymore after being together for so long?

will you/we still give it all even if you feel less is given back?

a lot of people i know who have been together with their special someone for more than 3 years often have the following litany:

"hindi na siya sweet, dati sweet kaayo, cge pa jud give ug gifts.."
"dati, kusog mu-text karon, usahay na lng.."
"may pa i miss you, i miss you maski 2 days lang wala nagkita pero karon maski 1 week na wala magkita, dili na ma-miss.."

it sounds funny, but i do not laugh. because like them, i am going through the phase. it was not easy. changes are never easy. but i have faith in us. and i must say, EVERYONE SHOULD. long-term relationships would not last that long if it was lopsided from the very start.

to say you love someone is easy, i agree. i think what matters is how committed one is to the relationship. LOVE is shared between the two of you. but it is their COMMITMENT that keeps these two people together.

and finally i understood the meaning of a person having a "commitment-phobia". that person is afraid of loving despite the pain. that person is afraid of being faithful. and that person is afraid of keeping faith in someone.

we always say love is really complicated. we say love is a pain in the neck. pity LOVE for always taking the blame in every pain and heartache there is. but, have we asked, maybe, love is really simple? maybe, we are the ones who make it complicated because we refuse to do these things: be thankful if it comes your way, continually share our love and let go if its not meant to be?

maybe its easier to say for me because i have and am with someone. but then again, every love story is different. but one thing is unchanged: it is not love if its kept to oneself..

the uga entry and other related stuff

(originally written: 4/21/2007)
oftentimes, people at the office complain of, "uga lagi!"
what is being "uga" anyway? its a UTI secret. coz you see, it means a lot to us, not just the meaning of being dry..(hehehe..)

because of such state, i was forced to watch the kapamilya prime time. i first gor stuck with maria flor de luna. its probably the worst teleserye i've seen. worst than gulong ng palad. if you are an emphatic type of person, i strongly advise one NOT to watch it. if one has a huge dislike for cruelty, then this teleserye is not for you. i've never seen a cruel 5th grader and a contemptuous grandmother. watching it for one night made me mad at that Wilma and that Brigida. and another thing, i just cannot imagine a kid as young as Flor experiencing the kind of blackmail from those antagonists. it would make a good case analysis for psychologists out there.

then i watched sana'y maulit muli. verdict: a so-so. all i can say is, i should not have bothered watching the ending in the first place. the dead coming back to life?!?! so crappy!

and i went up to my room after sana'y maulit muli. i had enough of teleseryes!

(4/22/2007)
im still feeling sick and nauseated from our road trip and "whining" ceremony last night with mah chicas, all the way from davao del sur to sea wall and autoshop! but we had fun! we did what we had to: DRINK, WHINE and BE MERRY!
- - -
its another sunday -- ordinary that is.
- - -
why should one continue to nurse a doubtful heart?
- - -
its elections once again. ive never seen the city this dirty, with all the campaign materials posted everywhere. and here's more: heat plus traffic. its so annoying! roads are being re-constructed in the middle of summer time. people have been talking about "heat wave". is it going to get hotter that it is now? uh-uh!
- - -
the commitment to love and make it work is sometimes blinded by what we want to work and things we imagine done to us.

the random thoughts series

i haven't been posting my blogs lately. i was stressed last week and im just starting to "make bawi" this week. i had a lot of thoughts and ideas but since i was too tired and disoriented to post them, i just wrote my thoughts down and im posting it now. anyway, i hope you wont get confused if it seems my thoughts were happy then suddenly became sad (for those who care to read anyway..hehehe)
- - -
its pouring outside. it helps me think and be sentimental..
- - -
for the past few weeks, ive struggled with the joys and sweet moments of the past. i have forgotten that as time goes by, its not anymore about those sweet moments but rather your commitment. they were right. everything changes, even if you believed that what you have is different from everyone else.
- - -
why is it i feel tired of this set-up? i feel im being cheated of my share and i feel things are unfair for me. of course, it hurts. because as a person, one can't help but expect to receive what was being given.
- - -
i should learn to let go of the "used-to-be's" because what matters is NOW.
- - -
teach me how to be insensitive like you. teach me how to be complacent like you. teach me how to be indifferent. tell me how you do it. so i wouldn't hurt so bad.
- - -
will i give up? will i allow the past to haunt me? will i allow it to destroythe wonderful thing i have now? should i linger on the question "why can't you?" instead of "how will we do it?"
- - -
i realized that it takes every courage and self-discipline i have to be a pro-active person. i hate being reactive. it tires me a lot..
- - -
waited this long for such moment. and now, how come one is still unprepared?
- - -
sometimes, no matter how many friends you need and have beside you, it does not matter at all. know why? because at the end of the day, it will be you -you alone- to decide on what will happen to you. it will you be alone to think and say that, "yes, this is what i will do.." friends can only be there for you but not decide for you.
- - -
sometimes, you will realize that solitude or being alone helps. a lot.
- - -
i will not give up! pakshet!
- - -
THE END

holy week special: on maundy thursday

(originally written: apr 5 2007)

i woke up late on my my 1st day of vacation.
i mean, who wouldnt?
ate a long breakfast, took a long bath and lazily spent the day. my fingers got numb from unli texting (ehehe..)
this evening, i went to church for the Lord's Last Supper.
then, we went to a fiesta. weird ba? but its not their patron's fault if their fiesta fell on a holy week. i ate little since its the fasting season.

i finished everything im supposed to do today. well, except for 1 thing: make my BA 215 paper. i dont seem to have the eagerness to do it, unlike the excitement i feel when im starting on a new book. i believe the subject dampens my spirit. hahah!

i read my cosmo mag (the one i excitedly brought last weds.) and there was this article entitled "how to make him crave for you.." im not so sure with the title, i'll try to check tomorrow. im tired to reach for it (sobra sobrang tamad..) i just had the difficulty to swallow their ideas, i dont know. or may i was my mind was not really into reading it (i mean, after reading books after the other..) i'll try to read it again. maybe tomorrow. and i might buy their ideas.

hooray! i got my period. just the perfect time to have it--no work. i can sleep when i feel the cramps and no one will have to suffer my moods :)

holy week special: holy wednesday thoughts

(originally written: apr 4 2007)

its holy wednesday and i'll be out of the internet world starting tomorrow and for the next four days so i decided to do it traditionally: hand written. being away from the internet will be one of my holy week sacrifices (really now?).

i always love the summer. i get to wear anything i want, eat everything i crave and there's always time to waste. but as i grew older and became part of the "yuppie" crowd, im always deprived of my summer escapades.

firstly, my current work is at its peak during the sunny season. i dont hate my job, lets be clear on that. i just hate the moments it needs me the most. *sigh* that's why people kept asking me why i plan to mope at home for the next 4 days. i told them that i never tried to "party and be merry" on a holy week. i really get guilty and i never blamed my religion nor faith of such feeling. and besides, people who went "merry" on this season had been "reminded"--car accidents, falling beach huts, and the like. not fatal, but totally nerve-wracking. but despite the irrationality of my fear and impracticality of my choice not to make most of my 5-day vacation, im still hoping i really can.

then came the ultimate test: rj announced that they'll be spending their holy week at their resthouse and he is inviting us. *light bulb* the UTI gang have been planning on such getaway. and here's more: free transporation. *another light bulb* its totally perfect! its almost free and a dream come true for UTI!
BUT, I SAID NO. yes, perfect as it may sound, i said no. first, its totally unplanned (we leave the next day, i havent hinted my 'rents yet and i dont have the clothes for it) and second, its holy week. i realized that saying no to the perfect getaway is my sacrifice for the Lord. call it cliche or crappy but it really is. i may have eaten pork for the past friday's (not totally my fault here! our food court's totally insensitive!) but i think letting go of this "perfect getaway" is my way of repenting. i realized this may have what Eve felt when asked to take a taste of the fruit of knowledge: to satisfy one's desire or to remain obedient. oh well, im kinda feeling the "ang-sayang-naman" syndrome now but i know God will help me feel content. and i also realized, rj is such a perfect serpent. he/she almost got me. ahahah!

so the next question will be, what am i supposed to do over the 4 days? ok, here's a checklist:
1) read agatha christie books (i brought 3 with me)
2) unli texting
3) finish the 7 habits book
4) finish my ba 215 proposal which is due next week
5) needle work / crosstitch (this is my holy week to-do)
6) clean my room
7) do my laundry
8) sleep, sleep, sleep!
9) water therapy
10) plan stuffs
11) of course attend holy week rites

and the list goes on...see? my hands are full for the next 4 days. no need to feel pity for me..