the random thoughts series

i haven't been posting my blogs lately. i was stressed last week and im just starting to "make bawi" this week. i had a lot of thoughts and ideas but since i was too tired and disoriented to post them, i just wrote my thoughts down and im posting it now. anyway, i hope you wont get confused if it seems my thoughts were happy then suddenly became sad (for those who care to read anyway..hehehe)
- - -
its pouring outside. it helps me think and be sentimental..
- - -
for the past few weeks, ive struggled with the joys and sweet moments of the past. i have forgotten that as time goes by, its not anymore about those sweet moments but rather your commitment. they were right. everything changes, even if you believed that what you have is different from everyone else.
- - -
why is it i feel tired of this set-up? i feel im being cheated of my share and i feel things are unfair for me. of course, it hurts. because as a person, one can't help but expect to receive what was being given.
- - -
i should learn to let go of the "used-to-be's" because what matters is NOW.
- - -
teach me how to be insensitive like you. teach me how to be complacent like you. teach me how to be indifferent. tell me how you do it. so i wouldn't hurt so bad.
- - -
will i give up? will i allow the past to haunt me? will i allow it to destroythe wonderful thing i have now? should i linger on the question "why can't you?" instead of "how will we do it?"
- - -
i realized that it takes every courage and self-discipline i have to be a pro-active person. i hate being reactive. it tires me a lot..
- - -
waited this long for such moment. and now, how come one is still unprepared?
- - -
sometimes, no matter how many friends you need and have beside you, it does not matter at all. know why? because at the end of the day, it will be you -you alone- to decide on what will happen to you. it will you be alone to think and say that, "yes, this is what i will do.." friends can only be there for you but not decide for you.
- - -
sometimes, you will realize that solitude or being alone helps. a lot.
- - -
i will not give up! pakshet!
- - -
THE END